Death of the Heart
by soukaisakusha
Summary: It had been.... what seemed like years to me. I didn't think it would be possible for me to live after her death.... her suicide.


Author's Note: I don't own anyone from Sailor Moon. This is a short story that I wrote out of boredom. So yea... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------  
  
It had been.... what seemed like years to me. I didn't think it would be possible for me to live after her death.... her suicide.  
She was so beautiful, she seemed almost angelic. After I found out about her death, I didn't want to live anymore. Her ruby eyes seemed stuck in my head. Papa Haruka said I would get over it. That I was only a child and it was merely childish love. But how could that be? I am almost twenty now, she was nineteen. I remember the day as if were yesterday..........  
  
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"I'm going to be late!" I said, pulling my scrub pants on as I ran through my room. I grabbed sneakers and shoved my feet in them, not bothering to tie them. I pulled a head band through my hair and grabbed my keys. 'It's the third time this week!' I thought as I ran down the stairs. I ran into the kitchen.  
  
"Good morning Hotaru." Mama-Michiru said to me as I poured myself coffee.  
  
I am twenty and still live with them, and still call them mama and papa. I feel as though they are really my sisters not my parents.  
  
"Good morning mama Michiru." I said, sipping the coffee; the hot liquid stung my throat lightly as it went down. I drank my coffee quickly and then placed the ceramic mug in the sink.  
  
I nodded a quick goodbye to Mama Michiru, Papa Haruka and Mama Setsuna and then ran out the door.  
I got into my car placing the keys in the ignition. I placed my purse on the passenger's seat. I bent down and picked it up; as I did I smelt the scent of her perfume embedded in the seat. I longed to see her again, but we had gotten into a fight the other day. I could still feel her tongue on my own. Last night Setsuna told me that she ran into her in the store. She told me that the two of them talked and that she had told Setsuna that she needed time to herself.... to relax.  
I started the car and drove off to work. I remember, when I was little.... I always wanted to be a doctor, or a nurse. You see many interesting things at a hospital. I remember how we would play doctor with our dolls, we were always good friends. But why did this happen? I guess we were about fourteen or fifteen when I first found out that I really had feelings for her. When I kissed her, there was no resistance, meaning I guess she liked it too. We were more then friends from then on, but then came the fight. The funny thing is, I don't even know what we were fighting about. Maybe I'll call her later.  
I got to work and placed my bag in the nurse's station. I could tell right then, that it was going to be a long night. I sat at the desk for about two hours, until Sakura told me to go take a break. So I went for a walk. I went to the cafeteria to get myself some lunch. I grabbed a cookie and then walked outside. I reached in my pocket for some change and walked over to a pay phone. I picked up the receiver and then placed the money in. I was hesitant for a moment, but then I dialed the number. I waited, for what seemed to be forever. There was no answer. "Where could she be?" I wondered, as I sat down on the bench, breaking my cookie in half. I ate it slowly, not really enjoying it really just trying to buy time to think of something to say. So I finished my cookie, still not knowing what would be the best thing to say. There seemed to be nothing going on yet, maybe it was just going to be a slow day. I sat down at the desk, turning on the computer. I decided to see if maybe she had written me an email. So I got into my mailbox, when there it was.  
  
Hotaru-chan,  
I know, I said I love you...really I did mean it.... I thought. I don't know why we fought, but I suddenly realized, us fighting, I don't really like it...I don't like fighting. But living without you, even living with you, is too much for me. I'm ending it, not just our relationship, I mean everything. I mean what's the point of living if you can't be happy. Just, don't worry about me. It will all be over shortly.  
-Chibiusa-chan  
  
"What? She can't mean this! She can't do it!" I shouted, standing up from the chair. A few heads turned in my direction and I blushed a little. I ran back out to the phone, slamming the change in and dialing as quickly as I could. "Pick up the phone Chibi! Come on..." I muttered impatiently. Yet again there was no answer. "Damn it!" I swore under my breath. Suddenly I heard the sound of an ambulance pull into the emergency room. My heart was in my throat as I ran back into the E.R. "Not her.... please, not her!" I thought as I ran. I saw them pull in the stretcher, but I couldn't really see anything. For a moment, I thought I saw a lock of pink hair flowing from the end, but as soon as I blinked, it was gone. I sat down against the wall. 'This can't be happening! Setsuna saw her last night!' I thought, clutching my head in my hands, closing my eyes tightly; as if it would make it all go away.  
I opened my eyes a few minutes later, when I heard someone calling my name. It was Hikaru; she wanted me to help with the person who came in on the stretcher. I literally felt like I was going to be sick as I walked, well ran, to the room they had her in. My worst thoughts came crashing down on me as I saw her lying there. Blood was everywhere on her. "What happened to her?" I was able to gag out. "Suicide. She seemed to have slit her wrists. Thankfully her sister got to her here on time." one of the doctors said.  
I watched the heart monitor, it kept going down. I had picked up a pad of gauze, that I was supposed to hand to the doctor when I heard it. It was the deadline. They tried to revive her, but nothing brought her back. I dropped to my knees, my head in my hands. "Setsuna saw her last night...just last night!" I screamed. It seemed like everyone in the E.R. was looking at me. I stood up and ran to the nurse's station, I grabbed my keys and my bag and ran out.  
I didn't concentrate on my driving, all I knew it that I wanted to get home and get the blood...her blood, off of my hands. I got home in what seemed to be seconds. I ran upstairs, not even looking at Setsuna and the others. I washed...scrubbed my hands, as if thinking that if I got rid of the blood, I could bring her back. I dropped to my knees, tears streaming down my face. "Why did you do it?! WHY!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Pretty soon Mama Michiru was at my side, holding my shoulders. "She's gone...." I said, my voice trailing off. Michiru turned and looked at the others who stood in the doorway.  
I went to her funeral...even though I didn't want to. So much guilt was built up inside me, I just felt like I was the one who killed her. I knew then, that I wasn't going to be able to continue living. ***************************  
That's what happened, that's what I saw the day she died.... the day she killed herself. She was selfish to kill herself, she obviously didn't care what the rest of us would feel.........what I would do. I'm thinking of ending it now...all of it. Just taking my life. But how could I do that to the others? No, I'll just stay here, until I die. Here with my dead heart.  
  
------------------------------------------------------ Okay, that's my little shoujo ai fanfic. Like I said, I was bored and needed something to do while I was role-playing. You can review it if you want, but I'm not going to update it. I might put I prelude to this story, seeing as how I'm still bored. Well Ja for now. 


End file.
